You Don’t Have to Agree

I know a lot of people don’t understand a lot of my decisions and choices. I know that my way of thinking isn’t normal, or common. I know it’s complex and it’s not logical without providing an explanation to go with it. I know my thoughts and ideas can be absolutely clear and evident, once I show you the reasoning behind it. But I also know that my thoughts can be extremely controversial and unsupported by many. And that’s fair. I understand that you have a different perspective… a different view. But the same way I respect your opinion, I need you to respect mine… and be ok with the fact that I don’t agree because I know you don’t have to agree.

I know I said that I wouldn’t talk about my decision to actively live with Ana and Mia but this week I faced a challenging situation where someone, who I thought understood my perspective, was unable to hide their frustration with me and my decision. I say understood because I know they don’t agree but I thought that they at least respected my decision and wouldn’t press knowing it wasn’t going to be helpful. And yet, while they tried to pretend they weren’t pressing, they were clearly not happy and were trying to persuade me to think and act differently. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m ok with being challenged but don’t make me feel stupid about it.

I get it. I know my behaviour isn’t healthy. I know my behaviour isn’t supported and approved by anyone. I get that people will try to challenge me. And I get that people will try to get my see their view and try to get me to see that I’m wrong for choosing this life. And I’m ok with all that. But do it respectfully. I know you’re going to be frustrated with me. I’m know I’m difficult to deal with and to handle. I know I’m difficult to be around. I know I’m going to test your patience. I know I’m going to make you rethink being around me. This person was really struggling with my stubborn perspective and approach. They were trying so hard to not lose it on me, but it was physically evident that they wanted to roll their eyes or lose it on me.

As I just wrote above, I’m stubborn. I know this quite well. I won’t deny it. It also means that I know that I’m the type of person that the more you tell me to do something, the less I’m going to do it. And that’s exactly how I’m feeling with this person. You want me to stop the Ana and Mia behaviour, but the less I’m convinced I should. In fact, I’m at the point of questioning this person’s presence in my life. Maybe for my own mental health, I need to distance myself from this person a bit. I’m not sure if this relationship is going to last anyway, it’s been strained for a while now. Maybe it’s time to start distancing myself and time to break off contact.

It’s not the first time people disagree with my approach on major life / health decisions. When I was first diagnosed with RA, I refused to take the medications that my specialist wanted to put me on. He was flat out angry with me for not taking them. But for me the risk wasn’t worth it, especially since he wasn’t guaranteeing it would heal me; he would only offer up that it would reduce the speed at which my RA would take over my body. Oh and not to mention all the health risks I would have to deal with as the side effects. Yeah no! I don’t think so. Needless to say, I stopped seeing him if he wasn’t willing to support alternative approaches to healing me. Anyway, seeing how much damage I managed to reverse with just diet and exercise, it was the best decision I made.

Now, people not agreeing with me isn’t always negative. Sometimes it can be inspirational (in the end anyway, definitely not as it’s happening). So, during the beginning of my RA, it attacked my feet so severely I couldn’t wear most of my shoes… especially my high heels. Now most of you don’t realize this key fact but I have way too many pairs of shoes and 90% of those are high heels. I was asked if I was going to get rid of them. I said no because the damage was temporary and that I would be able to wear them again one day. I don’t know where I got this thought or how I got it in my mind that I wouldn’t be doing that forever, especially since all evidence proved me wrong. Somehow, I just knew. This isn’t it for me.

While I was in the peak of my RA, this sounded like the craziest thing I could ever believe, I sounded delusional. How could I possibly heal to the point that I’ll be able to wear high heels again? There’s no cure for RA! There’s nothing in the medical or scientific world that indicates that I would or could ever heal and reverse the damage. That I could do more than merely reduce the speed at which it would slowly take over my life. Well, look at me now!!! I did it. I managed to reverse the damage! Some of my joints are no longer disfigured. I’m no longer limited to only wearing certain flats – yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am wearing my heels again! In this case, my stubborn and uncommon approach is considered inspirational and not so crazy!

I’m used to being different. I’m used to having to show my point and my perspective. I’m used to others not agreeing with my approach. I’m used to being considered difficult and stubborn. I accept I am all those things. I am ok with all of that. I know people won’t Always agree with me, in fact, I find that to be the rare occasion rather than the everyday reaction… and that’s fine. The only thing I actually expect, and maybe in a naive manner, is that you respect my thoughts and opinions but that’s it. Otherwise, let’s both accept that you don’t have to agree